Lately, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed.
Not necessarily in a bad way.
Just… overwhelmed by how much life I’ve lived these past two years.
Right now, I’m in Nueva Ecija at the farm with family. My mom flew home from Vancouver on May 7, and ever since being here, I’ve been sitting with a lot of emotions.
It’s strange because technically, I’m still in the Philippines. Manila is only a couple hours away. My friends are close enough that I could easily go back anytime.
But being here with family feels different.
Slower.
Quieter.
Grounding.
Some nights, we just sit around the dinner table laughing and enjoying each other’s company. And in those moments, I realize how much I needed this kind of stillness too.
I think being here has forced me to finally sit still long enough to process the fact that this chapter of my life is slowly coming to an end.
It’s been 22 months since I started traveling across Asia.
22 months of experiences, friendships, healing, chaos, growth, freedom, heartbreak, adventure, and memories I honestly don’t even know how to fully put into words yet.
I went back to Vancouver last year for a couple months just to pack up my things, put the rest in storage, and continue traveling again.
And now here I am.
May 2026.
At the farm in Nueva Ecija.
And for the first time in a while, I feel the ending approaching.
And honestly?
I feel sad.
Because this trip changed me.
Somewhere along the way, a different version of me came out.
A version that felt:
lighter,
more open,
more grounded,
more alive.
I healed so much out here.
Not perfectly. Not all at once.
But deeply.
I met incredible people. Built real community. Made friendships that genuinely changed my life.
And sometimes I sit there and think about how full-circle everything feels.
There was a time in my life where I was the one struggling deeply through pain, uncertainty, loneliness, and healing.
And now?
I’ve become someone who can sit with other people in theirs.
I’ve been able to support friends because of what I’ve gone through myself.
That realization alone makes me emotional.
But at the same time, there’s another side to all this.
Because while a part of me wants to keep moving, keep traveling, keep chasing the next experience…
another part of me is tired.
Not in a hopeless way.
Just in a very human way.
I miss stability.
I miss routine.
I miss the idea of building something steady again.
Going back to work.
Expanding Love Jayce.
Starting new goals for myself.
Maybe finally getting into running.
Maybe creating a life back home that feels as aligned as the life I built while traveling.
And maybe that’s the part I’ve been trying to process lately:
How do I bring this version of myself home with me?
Because I don’t think I can go back to who I used to be.
Not after everything I’ve experienced out here.
And honestly, being here with family has reminded me of something important too.
I’ve spent so much time with friends these past 20 months.
So much love.
So much connection.
So many beautiful memories.
But this month with family?
I think I needed this more than I realized.
To sit at the farm.
To laugh with relatives.
To spend time with people who have known me my whole life.
It’s healing in a completely different way.
And I feel incredibly lucky because I know not everyone gets to experience this kind of acceptance from family.
Especially being who I am.
But my mom’s side of the family has always made me feel safe to just be myself.
I never really had to explain who I was around them.
And when I really let that sink in, I just feel grateful.
Deeply grateful.
I think another thing I’ve realized lately is just how emotional I really am.
I feel things deeply.
Sometimes too deeply.
And honestly, it can be exhausting carrying so much emotion all the time.
But at the same time…
I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Because feeling deeply is also why:
I love deeply,
connect deeply,
heal deeply,
and experience life deeply.
And lately, I think I’ve learned that emotional maturity isn’t about not feeling things.
It’s about being able to feel everything… without letting it consume you.
As for love?
I think right now, I just want to focus on family, being present, and enjoying these last few weeks of this chapter before I head back home to Vancouver next month.
Traveling taught me a lot about connection, but it also made me realize how difficult it can be to truly build something while constantly moving around.
And honestly, I think I’ll have a better chance at finding something meaningful once I’m home again.
Somewhere a little more grounded.
Somewhere life feels more stable.
Not because I’m giving up on love.
But because I think I deserve to experience it from a place where I’m fully rooted in my own life too.
For now though, I’m just trying to sit with all of it.
The gratitude.
The sadness.
The excitement.
The uncertainty.
Because maybe that’s what this season of life really is:
Not an ending.
Just me learning how to carry this version of myself home.